Salutory Hint 2

When you come to realize you are surrounded by scoundrels and thieves, instead of getting mad or afraid, befriend these folk all the closer and study them. Learn from them. You can  use their techniques, honorably, of course, for the better good of all. Just like Robin Hood.


 Listening to a CD on how to make your life work, how to be successful, loving, healthy, prosperous, etc etc... I suddenly realized: He's teaching me how to be a con man.

After my initial outrage, I started to think. Better to know how these peeps manipulate, learn what they say to make other people believe their dubious words-- or how they say it (loudly and often?) And even practice it yourself, though when I've been successful at such a manipu...persuasion...I feel sick in the heart. Exhausted. Terrified of the exhilaration of success.  Because my success depends upon your failure. oh, sure, it's a nice concept--room for everyone at the table. And I don't like to see peeps left out in the cold. But truly, is there enough firewood to go around? Or will we burn it up and be left with nothing and no chance for the human race at all because humans reproduce faster than trees.

So, really. It's better to have the elite few share the precious resources, protect them from the stupid hoards who would squander them, only dole them out as required to keep the peeps pacified: bread and circuses...don't skimp nor begrudge either because that's when rebellion rears its inevitable head. When lack becomes unbearable. But a good song and a reasonably full belly will keep most of us happy enough not to risk losing the small flicker of happiness we are allotted -- while the few elite wolves gorge themselves on the supposedly rare and endangered.

So okay it's no bad thing it's just how life is. We all make choices. We make distinctions. As we age we become more discerning, that's if we're willing to keep learning. Once we know enough we're doomed.

So I'll never really know, not even the heart of my own motivations. I love to believe I'm motivated by good, love for all of us equally. All of us with our different gifts, all needed. And then there's me laughing in the bushes...at my earnest crystal pure loving self. Snickering. It won't let go. It won't give up. You are flesh you shit you touch... Can he stay? Of course he can, and must.

All light? Nothing is seen. Shadow is needed to create a scene, a story, a life.  Chiaroscuro shadow and light. Fingerprints and snowflakes. But when the shadow lifts a girl up and out of the world so she misses? Misses... so so very much?